Enter illness. It robs me of days on end and makes me feel "less than". Sickness kills creativity. When it lasts for more than a day I can start to feel panicky about all the jobs I'm not getting done. And, worst of all, physical illness seeps into my spirit and my psyche. Often, I fight anger at God and bitterness in the core of my being.
The specific implications of this to the present situation of my writing this blog, are:
1) I need to cut myself loose from the grand project I started (the theme of my top "Ten Things that say a lot about Who God Is"). As I stated earlier, when I'm fighting illness, creativity hits rock bottom. I would love to pick up this theme again, but now is not the time. (Obviously, I'm not out of the woods with the physical battle I'm in right now.)
2) Instead, I hope to at least write short, random posts as different things pop into my head.
3) Something God has been speaking to me in regard to all this is that this is really His blog, anyway. It's not mine. I thought I was entering the writing of this blog with that in the forefront, but affliction has taken "who owns this" to a whole new level.
It occurs to me that since my primary passion is to demonstrate why I love God's word so much, there's no time like the present. The following words are a few that have given me either guidance or peace lately:
"...don’t for a minute let this Book of The Revelation be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure you practice everything written in it. Then you’ll get where you’re going; then you’ll succeed. Haven’t I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.” Joshua 1:8-9 The Message
Sometimes, it's not just a verse or two, but an entire book of the Bible, that gives me hope. The book of Ruth contains a raw, real-life story of a woman (Naomi) who was "dealt a hard blow" from God, and struggled with bitterness. I love the whole story - and the hope it brings.
And the anger at God? There's nothing like the Psalms. One hundred and fifty chapters of people expressing every feeling imaginable - unedited, unfiltered, right to God.
Finally, this one nailed me this morning:
Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. Philippians 4:6-7 The Message